textgasm: twitter secrets

The next time his dog shits on my lawn, I'm going to call the police and tell them it bit me to get it euthanized. Hear that, gramps?

secret #1,361

rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)

i just fucked my girlfriend's best friend. w00t!

secret #1,360

rating: 5.0/5 (1 vote cast)

@mostlylisa wow!!!!! You are a cold freak: drp.ly/mtvel

secret #1,359

rating: 2.5/5 (2 votes cast)

@victoriaroyalty I think u r a poor excuse of a human ur lower than all life forms...btw ur da worse at giving head!

secret #1,358

rating: 2.0/5 (1 vote cast)

I was caught masturbating to National Geographic the other day. The rest of THAT dental visit was awkward, to say the least.

secret #1,357

rating: 3.5/5 (2 votes cast)

In June, I'll be 29 - the secret I've never shared is I've never been kissed. Never had sex, no dates or even held hands. Feel like a freak

secret #1,356

rating: 4.3/5 (6 votes cast)

i sometimes enjoy watching my dog hump teddy bears...especially when she makes little grunting noises

secret #1,355

rating: 3.7/5 (3 votes cast)

Found granddad's gay porn once. At that one moment I was so scared and felt so good (acceptance, you pervs) that I'm sure that's what did it

secret #1,354

rating: 2.7/5 (3 votes cast)

I am so hurt by the way you treated me when he came along. I thought you were a true and real friend. But you shit on me.

secret #1,353

rating: 1.0/5 (3 votes cast)

comments disabled

secret #1,352

rating: 1.5/5 (2 votes cast)

jaren..after all these months i cant stop liking you..since i first saw you i couldn't wait to see you again..but in 4 months never again :(

your boyfriend used to jack off to me. why do you think i was always uncomfortable around him? really does it all make sense now?

secret #1,351

rating: 4.0/5 (4 votes cast)

I don't want any sort of meaningful relationship right now, I just want to fuck around! I have quite a few options. But I'm a girl so can't.

secret #1,350

rating: 3.8/5 (4 votes cast)

4 comments

secret #1,349

rating: 2.3/5 (3 votes cast)

Today, I dug up an old pet, cleaned his bones and mounted them just to have somebody to talk to. Then I posted about it on the Internet.

#Thoughtsonthetoilet this shit feels good and it smells even better

secret #1,348

rating: 2.5/5 (2 votes cast)

You are a cold-hearted liar ex-whore, but I know it is because you are nuts. Get help.

secret #1,347

rating: 2.0/5 (2 votes cast)

I thought I drank because I was lonely. Now I realize I was lonely because I was always drunk and couldn't drive to go see my friends.

secret #1,346

rating: 4.2/5 (5 votes cast)

3 comments

secret #1,345

rating: 2.0/5 (2 votes cast)

I hate my partners because I've already paid my dues. Ive already adapted to them, yet they dont seem to care 4 me. I just want a good lay.

I was fucking his friend for a year before my ex and I broke up. My ex still doesn't know

secret #1,344

rating: 3.0/5 (3 votes cast)

i want to fuck my uncle.

4 comments

secret #1,343

rating: 3.0/5 (2 votes cast)

im jellous of my sisters there all prettier then me, i hate them for it even thou i know its not there falt, i feel ugly around them

secret #1,342

rating: 4.3/5 (3 votes cast)

I'm a fuckup.

4 comments

secret #1,341

rating: 2.5/5 (2 votes cast)

secret #1,340

rating: 5.0/5 (5 votes cast)

i love cat food

I still fucking miss sex with other women. I love my boyfriend, but I really want to fuck a girl again. Just once.

secret #1,339

rating: 2.8/5 (4 votes cast)

i fucked him and he was better than you. i feel everything for him and nothing for you.

secret #1,338

rating: 3.0/5 (3 votes cast)

I find robots extremely sexy. Not sure why. I'd choose an Apple II over a supermodel any day, though.

secret #1,337

rating: 2.8/5 (5 votes cast)

3 comments

secret #1,336

rating: 2.0/5 (2 votes cast)

i think your so amazing already!!! :D

I have no reason not to trust him, but I have the hugest fear of my boyfriend cheating. He's leaving for Seattle for a month without me soon

secret #1,335

rating: 2.5/5 (4 votes cast)

I had so little raising in my youth that I may as well been a feral child. To say I'm resentful is an understatement. Reproduction is a sin.

secret #1,334

rating: 3.2/5 (5 votes cast)

Once it becomes clear they can do the job, I pick the one I would most like to fuck. I wonder if she notices me looking at her tits.

secret #1,333

rating: 2.5/5 (6 votes cast)

I saw the pic that everyone said looked like you were poopin'. They were right.

secret #1,332

rating: 2.4/5 (7 votes cast)

god i miss you. you are gorgeous and i want you. i hope you want me too.

secret #1,331

rating: 3.4/5 (7 votes cast)

PAHAHAHAHA! Shut the fuck up dumbarse...

secret #1,330

rating: 2.3/5 (6 votes cast)

this natalie robe person seems to be famouse on here! if you dont like them then dont talk about them. i dont understand why uou would keep

secret #1,329

rating: 2.1/5 (7 votes cast)

I often wonder if these will end up in a coffee table book, some day. Also; will I get any credit?

secret #1,328

rating: 1.3/5 (6 votes cast)

Holy shit! Natalie Robe does wear alot of makeup. She's fugly.

secret #1,327

rating: 3.0/5 (9 votes cast)

i miss you like crazy, tyler. and even though you pushed me away, i know you still think about every single minute of when we were together.

secret #1,326

rating: 2.2/5 (5 votes cast)

I'm in love with a boy who doesn't know I exist :(

secret #1,325

rating: 3.5/5 (8 votes cast)

3 comments

secret #1,324

rating: 3.3/5 (6 votes cast)

My ex-mother-in-law secretly blames me for the break up. Can't wait till she finds out that her son is actually gay.

life without you is really great

secret #1,323

rating: 3.4/5 (10 votes cast)

Today, the Cookie Monster taught me that whiskey is a sometimes food.

secret #1,322

rating: 3.5/5 (11 votes cast)

I like you more than you know. The real reason I avoid sleeping with you is because I have warts

secret #1,321

rating: 1.9/5 (9 votes cast)

i think i can handle being alone in the world. after all, who needs friends?

secret #1,320

rating: 2.8/5 (5 votes cast)

I love my red boots. :] They remind me of Astro Boy! Oh, nostalgia.

secret #1,319

rating: 2.9/5 (7 votes cast)

It may be wrong, but goddamn. Let me pamper you, solve all of your problems, love you Let me be there for you, no matter what others may say

secret #1,318

rating: 3.2/5 (9 votes cast)

About time she learns her boyfriend used to fuck the girl she calls her (their) friend. She has no idea.

secret #1,317

rating: 2.4/5 (7 votes cast)

You used me. Guess what? He's using you.

secret #1,316

rating: 2.4/5 (7 votes cast)

I want to wake up tomorrow with you mext to me and realize that this is all just a bad dream :(

secret #1,315

rating: 2.1/5 (10 votes cast)

my "friends" always flirt with you in front of me...i finally thought i was over you but i guess i was wrong

secret #1,314

rating: 2.5/5 (8 votes cast)

people tell me all their problems and i listen and i understnd and i help. truth is, i dont care, my life is just boring & empty so i listen

secret #1,313

rating: 2.3/5 (7 votes cast)